Replacement is Inevitable

My first purse was awesome but the second one I made is super ugly. It’s all crooked And stupid looking.

Anyways, I walked to the library with my friend and her boyfriend. I haven’t done this in a while but today I remember why. They are super lovey dovey. A ten minute walk took 45 because they stopped and kissed what seemed like every five seconds.

My mom has gone crazy over the last couple days. My room has to be clean or else I get in trouble. Why does it matter to her whether it’s clean or not? She’s not spending most of her time in it. If my room is so dirty that it bothers me then I’ll clean up a little. But I literally got yelled at because I had a towel and a shirt on my floor and a few clothes on the bathroom floor. My mom was so heated for no reason. And apparently I had to clean the bathroom according to a stupid chore list and i made my duct tape purse first so I got yelled at. My dad came into the bathroom while I was cleaning it because my mom was so upset over nothing. My mom was eavesdropping and comes in upset. After her saying some things that I didn’t pay attention to, she said, “so you want to know why it’s important that you keep your room clean?”. I said yeah. What does she say? She says the oh so famous, “Because I said so.”. I hate when my mom does that. Earlier when she was upset with me she threatened me. Not that I was even listening. I have learned to block out what parents say when they lecture me yet be able to repeat it back to them. She said that not only would she take my phone away, she would do something that would give me nightmares. What a load of crap. If this “oh so terrible thing” happens I can probably guess what she’ll do. Take away all electronics including my radio and no tv. Probably daily spankings (she might invest in a very thick belt for that one). No doing anything besides school and church. Lots and lots of chores. This does not sound like stuff to give me nightmares. Sure, I’d hate it and her for a while but unless she hires Freddy Krueger or The Chuckie doll to be a slave driver over me, sleep will be my getaway. She thinks that it’s tv that’s distracting me from doing what I’m supposed to do. So now I can’t watch tv. I’ve been tv free for three days and apparently I’m still not following directions. I don’t know what she wants from me. In fact, I feel like I’m the best child she could ask for. I follow most directions with a smile even if I don’t want to do it. I don’t complain unless I’m super angry. And even when I’m angry I but on my brightest fake smile. I get good grades. I’m independent so she doesn’t need to micro manage me. I don’t date or do drugs or drink or sneak out. I’m not kissing dudes behind trees. And I rarely hang out with my friends. I think I’m a pretty good kid. But oh, now that I’ve got two pieces of clothing on the floor I deserve a good lecture and eventually a spanking. I’ve never gotten suspended, a write up, or even a call home. I love how my dad wants to feed me crap to justify what my mom is saying besides the fact that my mom is probably going crazy. He said that I need to keep my room clean so I can be ready for college. Because when I’m in college I have to share a small dorm room with other people and I’ll need to be able to take care of my self. What a load. No one will care if my bed is made up or if I have A shirt on the floor.

Now that that rant it done… My best friend is moving and probably won’t be in my school district. It’s funny that she and my last friend that moved away had the same worry. Being replaced. No one wants to feel like they are replaced. Although I assured both of them that they won’t be, replacement is a part of life. It sounds harsh but it’s true. Your job and school are the worst. To teachers your just another student, there will be a whole new batch of kids just like you the next year. At work your just another employee. They could easily replace you without a care to the effects on you. For example, I’ve had many life experiences where there’s nothing to do but replace the ones you loved. When I first moved, I had to replace all of my friends. When I went to fourth grade I had to replace my friends because none of us were in the same classes. In fifth grade I replaced one friend with another because she had moved. I don’t really feel like going into detail about all the friends I’ve had to replace. I’ve had to almost every year though. At first I thought that my longest consistently best friend was Ahsha. We’ve been best friends since fifth grade. I’ve know Sara since second grade but we haven’t been best friends the entire time. After years of saying that I haven’t had a best friend since forever I’ve realized that that’s a lie. I’ve know my god brother since my kindergarten days. He’s not my best friend but he’s my really good friend. I can’t tell him the same things I can tell my female besties but we joke around and talk a lot. When I am forced to loose a friend I try hard to hold on. With Sara it’s sorta worked. I pretty much tell her everything but it’s not the same. It’s like she’s had a lot more problems and has changed since she moved. We don’t talk as much though.(seventh grade) I’ve lost all contact with Sammy.(fifth grade) I’m fb friends with Jorge but we dont talk (sixth grade) im fb friends with Camilla but we don’t talk (fourth grade) Cherish moved away and came back last year and it’d been so long ago that neither of us really felt a need to try and be best friends. Besides, we’d both already had our new best friends. (second grade) I’ve recently added Alex which was awkward. I’d lost him and Mitchell because that was the year I moved. (first grade) And lastly, Kendra was my best friend. And every time I see a red head I think that it might be her. (kindergarten)
That was a quick list of the friend(s) that I lost every year of my school life. Replacement is a part of life and I’ve grown used to it. I’m sure people have replaced me in their lives with someone else. But that’s alright because there’s nothing I can do to stop it. So when Nijeria leaves I’ll hold on to her for as long as I can but things will never be the same. Especially if I change schools. Then I’ll really have to start over and adjust to a new surrounding. Everything would be replaced. I think that it’d be a lot for me to handle but I adjust easily. It’s everyone else who will have to get used to me. Weird, loud, silly, and odd me. I want to stay but I also want to leave my school. Right now the staying is out weighing the leaving because I want my lifelong friends to be there for all of my new experiances and life lessons. Gosh, I literally started getting wet eyed because of thinking of all of this. I don’t want to replace my friend(s) although it’s inevitable.
I’ve got it good though. I’d hate to live in a foster home and move all the time like my old friend Sammy. That’s why I don’t see her anymore. Last I knew she had moved to Texas. I have no idea where she is now. I’m sure she wouldn’t want my pity.

My mom isn’t acting so crazy anymore. She’s acting like her normal self now. Thank god…


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